am in japan now.

yumz. it's on the first day. and we spent the entire day shopping and picking up michelle's wedding stuffs. jsut like the old days when frankie is here for his uni days.. tokyo seemed easy and just like another home for shopping and eating. everything's still the same. the food is still as delicious. and the biscuits and cakes are still soooo tasty and mouth-watering.

stocked up some of my blings. i love the scarf here and bought my favourito. yves saint laurent's long scarf and celine's square robins. it's summer here and the colours are amazing!

love this place. took hell lot of pictures and it's been long since all the sinners are out to play together! with pap, mama, michelle and frankie. the company is superb and filled with crap and more crap and laughter.

loving it. loving my holiday. it feels really good not having to worry about anything or feel guilty about not reading or whatsoever and buy whatever and wherever. and jsut eat hell lot ofwhatever delicious. (since we are burning those by walking miles and miles and district after district!). it's just too good.

pap and frankie is the porter of the day!

and big is reminding me again and again about his burberry black labels. yakakaka.

i miss you very very very much, big man!!

with love,

xoxox

"enjoy yourself there k, [i'm thinking about your birthday plans :)]"

yeeharh! can't wait tooo!

getting really sore from shopping.

michelle and ben's pre-wedding :o)

much love from tokyo!

busy busy days.

michelle's wedding is just around the corner.

finally finished with my speech. a really short one. just wanna make it really simple and nice.

these days, have been really busy packing the invitations with boxes of jap biscuits couriered from japan [taste really good, and we all love it! and decided to send them with all the invitations]

but i'm loving having all the fun of it. spent hours at the wedding shop to prepare all the "must-have" for prayers and traditions. it's mad. cuz there's just so many customs and mom's a taiwanese so it's so different from the malaysian-chinese stuffs. and it just made it even more complicated. madness.

tomorrow old man will be down for a day before flying off for a business trip. this holiday's really short and i don't really get to have much time spent with old man. he's got his trips, and i've got the exhibition, japan and michelle's wedding. how sad.

but i'm glad tomorrow we're meeting before the busy times kicks off very soon. :o)

have got our annual exhibition and roadshow in klcc tomorrow. my legs are gonna hurt like mad, i swear.

and i'm finally watching transformers tomorrow. finally! after all this hoo-hah in facebook and msn personal messages. its mad. by far i've heard the show was super-duper awesome except one. HAHAHAHA. this made it even more interesting cuz i'm quite eager to know if i'm going to love it or hate it, like youuu (you know who you are!), love!

spent the entire tuesday with winnie at gardens. it's been so long since we last met and catch up other than our long msn chats! haha it's jsut really different. there's jsut non-stop talking and talking and more talking. i love youuuu, love! i can't wait for weekend cuz your beau is coming and it's gonna cheer you up upp uppp! talking about this, i really like the scarf that i bought youu and i think im going to get one too! HAHA sparkly scarf!! think about where we should go drinking and foooood-unleashing on my birthday sweetpie!

and i jsut realised we did not take a picture! hmphh :o(

and today, i spent my day walking around with my favourite kid to find his tuxedo. finding little kids tuxedo is seriously not easy at all. and finally asking around, i got to know that up-to-eight has got little boys' tuxedo. haha he looks really charming! shytes didn't take a picture of him. haha. love it.

gotta get to bed soon, need to wake up for the exhibition tomorrow!

much love, everyone!

with love,

xoxox

to enjoy, here is some of michelle's wedding strips.

more to come.. huggers.

"it's a mutual feeling and i hope we can always be together, love"

great.

"next weekend, when you're back from japan.. [i wanna] bring you to look at some rings like i promised alright."

as promised. delighted.

im trying to avoid my last paper, which happens to be the most difficult of them all.

not in my life, referring to studying, i've never come across such a difficult time in pursuing knowledge. partly because i think, i'm not that stupid and i'm more afraid of reading questions that i do not know the answer to it. and also because i just don't want to fail. and my grades are fair and good so far and i've been achieving good grades especially undergrad. now that im in postgrad, everything has changed. it's been such a difficult time. very stressful and it often takes alot of courage to move on. and a lot of breakdowns and giving ups.

i don't know how it has made me someone like this and it feel so conflicted. conflicted to that i've been given an option to opt out and forever leave this dream that i want to achieve, aside. and the fact, i dont think im that stupid to not be able to complete this program and achieve my goal. and the lack of determination and overcoming the fear.

havent been really sleeping well ever since i took up masters. my sleeping patterns have recently worsen that instead of 5AM which was already bad enough, managed to extend to 9AM in the morning-- having to lie on the bed constantly struggling and overcome the frustration that i repeatedly find myself still awake as the clock ticks. i tucked in at 4AM and it takes 5 hours to sleep.

and throughout the semester, i've been having panic attacks that i have no idea how to convince myself that it is okie because it seems like the mind functions seperately- from the body. and you can't control what you think and when to stop thinking about it.

words and more words of the lecture notes and the exam papers keep repeating itself in the mind that being awake for the past 43 hours, i am already mentally exhausted and not able to sleep, still.

my aid is prescribed sleeping pills and it has recently lost its effect because the doc says i've been taking it too often. but i guess i really have no other way to sleep and wake up feeling fresh the next day to start memorizing my exam materials.

it's so conflicting. i don't really know how can i manage my stress levels and be more relaxed.

if i'm not on the table reading i msut be on the bed to sleep. that's what one side of the mind who often dominates the entire time, perceives what life should be now. and that also means that, i would not get groceries even if there's nothing at home to eat. i would not be taking a walk outside to relax because it only means im wasting my bloody time. i don't know why i can't convince myself to just take a 15 minute break to walk in the park and maybe i can be less stressed. i would feel too guilty to even walk out of the apartment.

i don't really know how to address this, but hopefully once my exam ends next friday.. all this will be disappearing until at least before the next semester starts.

it's been a difficult time and once again, i wanna remind myself that im not that stupid and i must carry on!

yeeeharh!

with love,

xoxox